What is typical Yakubu fashion? Typical Yakubu fashion is: playing football like he is a blue whale and goals are krill and he is just unhinging his jaw and completely fuckingthem whole, one after another, bicycle kicks and penalties and shinned tap ins and scuffed low drives into the corners from both feet, all in-and-around the six-yard box, as he circles it, does laps of it, just looking for more and more krill because he is hungry and he is always hungry and he will never, ever, have enough...
Both were incredible to witness and genuine, visceral shocks; the heavy gut-punch of Rob Stark crumbling to his knees and arrows flying into his chest was the exact same feeling you got whenever Michu jogged around the pitch for 80 minutes before suddenly deciding to finesse a left foot curler into the top corner and sprint at all the other team's fans waving his hand by his ear.
He won Player of the Year, the first non-European to do so, and finished the season with a staggering 31 goals in 33 games. Liverpool still didn't win the league. Unfortunately, that was as good as it ever got for the now-Burundi international, who finished the season with two drink driving offences to his name and a very public spat with Tony Pulis after the dementor-in-a-baseball-cap rejected successive transfer bids from Tottenham Hotspur and refused to accept a formal transfer request from the player himself.
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