How to you test your relationship – and whether you should

Relationships need a little stirring, taste testing if you will, but testing the recipe can be destructive, especially when it is done on a public forum. Illustration: Atlas Studio

Relationships need a little stirring, taste testing if you will, but testing the recipe can be destructive, especially when it is done on a public forum. Therapist Sally Baker: If a person is to test their relationship, more 'accurate tests come from open communication, not manipulation'. Photograph: David Porter

Baker recognises that testing our relationships can occur in typical, unhelpful and inauthentic ways such as setting up “artificial or unlikely scenarios to see how their partner responds”. However, if a person is to test their relationship, more “accurate tests come from open communication, not manipulation”, says Baker. “If your partner seems to be testing you frequently, honestly discuss trust and your commitment to the relationship. Communication is healthier than testing a relationship. Rather than covertly testing, it’s more effective to communicate worries and areas where reassurance is needed directly.

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