‘How do I convince my on-again off-again boyfriend to commit?’

How do I make my boyfriend realise that this cycle isn’t good for us? Photograph: Agency StockI’m gay and have been seeing a man off and on for three years. We go through phases of being really great, then we fight and break up, eventually start sleeping together, then get back together – only to repeat. He usually initiates the break-ups, either because he feels “trapped” or because we fight and he always escalates to a break-up – but he’s usually the one to initiate hooking up or trying again.

You can’t make him do anything. But you can take responsibility for your role in this relationship dynamic You have two options. You can either end this cycle by not taking him back, accepting that you are not good for each other, and would be happier and healthier apart – reminding yourself that being happy doesn’t mean having brief glimpses of joy with him in between bouts of fighting and toxicity and anxiety.

Sit down as exes and have a serious conversation about your relationship, asking questions about how the relationship has been in the past, what you want it to look like in the future and, most importantly, what actions you are both willing to take in order to make that change possible. Ask both of you what you feel are the reasons your relationship hasn’t worked in the past – and, vitally, what is different now. If you don’t have a good answer to this question, stop now and part ways.

Gays not being monogamous No way!!! I am truly shocked by this news. Who'd have thought?

you cannot grow with that rubbish you can only survive at best

You don't.

You won't. He's on to a good thing. Ditch him Now. Never Ever settle for 2nd Best Grandfather Father 🇮🇪🇪🇺

Try not to gag next time

Why would you want to?

How do you convince yourself you deserve better?

We all have our problems

Homosexual relationships last as long as an erection

You're clearly not satisfying him, move on.

Please stop forcing this oddity on us

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