The urge to “fix” someone or change their behavior — as well as the assurance that we’ll be successful — is a real phenomenon many of us have experienced in all kinds of relationships.I doubt she’s the only one who felt able to be someone’s “savior,” knowing just what they needed to be “fixed.” Maybe you’re dating someone who gets angry a bit too easily, and you think you knowto calm them down.
Ultimately, change must start internally. “Someone cannot be ‘fixed’ unless they agree — or want — to be fixed,” Leanza said. “People will only change through their own motivation to do so.” “Understanding own needs, as well as alternative ways to meet those that do not include fixing, is key,” Gomez said.
). “If the concern in question is violence in any form, the person in the fixer role should immediately assure their own safety andFixers aren’t used to focusing on themselves at all — and perhaps for that reason, it may be just the thing they need.Leanza encouraged being the right partner for yourself. So again, what do you need? Maybe a partner or friend who can support you as much as you support them. Maybe it’s a relationship where you can be yourself and just relax and laugh.
Losing that sense of control and purpose may be scary and upsetting ― and it’s probably your best move. Swift summed up the main point well in the last line of the song: “I can fix him, no, really I can … Whoa, maybe I can’t.”At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions.
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