Self-doubt is a tax on yourself, levied by your inner critic

A surprising number of people who should have confidence in their abilities find it lacking. Others may see them as fully capable – perhaps even super-capable – but they are plagued by self-doubt.

You can grow your confidence, she insists. That requires reflection, even self-excavation. A good place to start is by considering moments when you are confident. What about the situation underpins your confidence? What’s present? What’s absent? This can be complicated. Your inner critic is a frenemy. It’s trying to help you, and keep you safe. It’s committed to helping and hardworking, a friend who always hovers around, looking for deficiencies and other dangers. But it also can harm you, keeping you from opportunities, making you overwork. It can insist on high standards nobody can meet – perfection. “We must watch what we tell ourselves silently in the privacy of our own minds,” she says.

If you listen carefully to what the inner critic is saying – every word – it can illuminate the harshness and exaggerations, which in turn helps loosen its hold on you. “When you notice your inner critic is active, acknowledge its good intentions. Thank it for trying to look after you and explain the choice that you are making,” she suggests.

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