The original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984, was one weird beast. Many remember it as nothing more than its contemporary The Love Boat minus the boat, as a rotating series of B-list guest stars sought romance in exotic realms. Others recall Tattoo in the bell tower at the start of each episode, calling out: “Zee plane! Zee plane!”
Between that kind of background, the popularity of TV’s afterlife-themed Lost in 2004, and Hollywood’s desire to reboot all things ’80s, it’s a wonder Fantasy Island didn’t make it to the big screen sooner than it has. But be warned: In spite of its Valentine’s release date, this is more horror than romance. And not very good horror at that. It opens with Michael Peña as the new Mr. Roarke – no Tattoo in sight this time – welcoming a planeload of guests.
No, I take that back. There’s something hugely off from the get-go, including walls that drip what looks like blood, a crazy guy lurking in the jungle with a machete, and zombie-like creatures that are briefly seen before vanishing. Archipelagicly speaking, Fantasy Island is one part Shutter Island, one part Ship Trap Island from The Most Dangerous Game, and one part Whatever It’s Called Island from Lost. Alas, precious little Gilligan’s Island – what I wouldn’t give for the Harlem Globetrotters to show up and save the day.
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