Dear Mom, 'I am nothing like you,' I once thought to myself - Macleans.ca

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'I resented the mother you became, never seeing that perhaps you were the mother I needed you to be,' writes Monica Bobbitt

Your dark brown hair is styled in its usual pixie cut, though your curls refused to be tamed. You’re the only person I know who has worn their hair the same way for more than 40 years. Other than your unruly strands, you’re barely recognizable. You were a different person back then; one who wore bracelets and shorts and wasn’t embarrassed by your legs covered in scars.Your life has been shaped by tragedy, raised by a strict, ornery father and a mother with undiagnosed mental health issues.

Though money was tight, you made sure we didn’t go without. The smell of rising bread still reminds me of time spent at your elbow watching you knead bread. Eventually you would give me a turn. Watching my little hands struggle with that big mound of dough, you would laugh and tussle my hair. Though you never said it, somehow, I always knew you loved me.You didn’t stand a chance against the car that lost control on the ice that fateful morning.

I was that teenager; the one with the snarky attitude and exaggerated eye rolls. When you tried to give me advice, I shook my head thinking: How could you know what it was like to be me? You’d barely even been to high school and things were different back then. I graduated at the top of my high school class. In university I excelled, though my honours psychology degree did little to help me untangle the twisted knots of our family’s history. Three months after graduation, I married for love; a dashing young army officer who promised to show me the world. I moved away and I didn’t look back.

 

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You sound like an ass....

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