Ask Lisi: Fear of crime ruins plans to visit friend in NYC

My best high school friend moved to New York after university. She has an awesome job, a great apartment and is loving life in the Big Apple. She has invited me to come and visit a million times and I haven’t gone.

I understand fear, the physical ways it can manifest, and the “freeze” that accompanies it. You and your friend found a way to avoid having to face some of your fears by visiting in spring, and planning to not use the subway. From that day forward, we were inseparable. We went to class together, ate lunch together and hung out all the time. At one point he started sleeping with a friend of mine; and I started sleeping with a guy I met through him.

Both my husband and I have reached out to him, our friend, to see each other, get together as couples, whatever, just to be together. There’s always an excuse stemming from her. What do we do?This is a sad yet common story. For whatever reason, she is jealous/insecure/judgmental of this past friendship and wants to start fresh with her guy. It’s not a healthy approach to any relationship because we all come with a background and baggage.

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