Tanya, a mother of two, shares her experience of feeling like her past self and passions were erased after becoming a parent. She felt pressured by societal expectations and ultimately regrets her decision to have children despite not wanting them.
Transitioning into motherhood, Tanya felt a measure of what she calls “identity erasure”: the loss of her past self and all she had prioritized and enjoyed, such as making music and teaching yoga.Transitioning into motherhood, Tanya felt a measure of what she calls “identity erasure”: the loss of her past self and all she had prioritized and enjoyed, such as making music and teaching yoga.
Tanya says she feels foolish for making such a permanent, life-changing decision despite her uncertainties. There isn’t much data on maternal or paternal regret. But there is some evidence that regretful parents constitute a real, struggling minority. Piotowski developed a scale for measuring regret, and applied it across two broadly representative sample groups, estimating that in developed countries, 5% to 14% of parents regret their decision to have children and would choose childlessness if they could turn back time. His report referenced onethat asked US parents over 45 how many children they would have wanted if they could re-do their lives. Of those surveyed, 7% responded that they would choose to have no children.has 140,000.
Effy, a 31-year-old single mother of a toddler, experienced regret not long after giving birth. “When my baby was two months old, I saw a family member holding a cat, similar to how I was holding my baby. I felt a pang of jealousy and that I had made a severe mistake. I wished I were holding a cat and not a baby,” she said.
“She called my parents and there was a whole intervention where they were like: ‘Do you need to go to the hospital? Are you OK? We’re scared for you.’ And I was like: ‘I’m not gonna hurt anybody. I’m not gonna hurt myself,” she recalls.
Motherhood Regret Identity Pressure Postpartum Depression
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