They're not optional.
I grew up in a somewhat formal home. We asked to be excused from the dinner table, where we’d put our cloth napkins on our laps at the start of the meal. We gave up our seats to anyone who seemed less able to stand. We didn’t talk back to adults.
Many of my etiquette rules had to do with mealtimes: don’t eat until everyone is served, clear your own dishes, ask to be excused if you can’t make it to the end of the meal, no eating anywhere other than at the table. Most of these were pretty easy to instill; they come up multiple times per day, after all. The hardest rule did not revolve around meals, but around interrupting. The kids were not supposed to talk to me while I was on the phone, unless someone was bleeding or unconscious.
And while it sometimes seems like everything you say to a 7-year-old is in one ear and out the other, now that my kids are grown and in their 20s, they’re thankful that I made the effort. They’ve served them well, in both their personal and their professional lives. And they understand that manners are essentially codified kindness and respect for the people around you.
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