'When I asked one man if he wishes he had accomplished more, he responded, ‘No, I wish I had loved more.’
Senior man celebrates his 90th birthdayMy preconceptions about the elderly went out the window four years ago, when a woman in her early-80s came to me seeking pastoral care.
I became a minister in 2015 thinking that I, a Korean-American woman in her mid-30s, wouldn't be able to connect with a congregation of people from a completely different generation and across a variety of ethnic backgrounds. But my interactions with the widow and several others clued me in on how very wrong I was.
I should note that I'm not a researcher, sociologist or psychologist, but I was determined to find answers. With a pen and paper in hand, I met with and interviewed the oldest people I know, including several congregants and their friends — all between the ages of 90 and 99.I began each conversation by asking if they had any regrets. Their responses abounded with self-blame and deep sorrow.
They regretted not taking risks to be more loving, such as being more open about their feelings for new people or more affectionate with those already in their lives.They regretted not spending enough time with the people they loved.I then switched up the mood by asking them about their most joyful memories. Each and every person I spoke to cited a time when their spouses were still alive or their children were younger and living at home.
As a young working mother, I frequently fantasize about the pleasures of retirement. But the conversations I had made me consider the possibility that I might one day look back at this hectic period of juggling potty-training, full-time work and little scraps of self-care as the most fulfilling time of my life.is the time to be crazy, overextended, in love, curious and explorative.
Put another way, when I asked one man if he wishes he had accomplished more, he responded, "No, I wish I had loved more."
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