At a dinner party designed to bring back memories, I found myself wishing that my father could have been there.
After dementia came for my father—after he could no longer read, after he had lost his table manners, after he had started to run his fingers through his hair, as though plagued by an ungraspable thought—I began to consider whether death could sometimes be a mercy. There were so many small moments of grief: when he stuffed his glasses into his mouth, or dismantled his hearing aids, or became too agitated to sit through Thanksgiving dinner.
That night, feeling despondent, I asked my oldest brother, David, “What kind of quality of life does he have?” Like many of the center’s clients, Michael was referred here by his medical team in the hope that it would deepen his connection to others and prevent him from becoming homebound. I was surprised to learn from the staff that, before being tapped to contribute to the Dinner Party, Michael was not especially talkative, sometimes napped in his wheelchair, and had never mentioned a career in restaurants.
The next course, gumbo, posed a problem: the woman who was supposed to introduce it, Laura, was nowhere to be found. Broder had to stand up and explain that, at the last minute, her brother had taken her to Sacramento to visit a relative. Instead, Broder projected a video of his interviews with her on a screen. Laura, one of the few white women at the center, had salt-and-pepper hair and dark-lined eyes beneath tortoiseshell glasses.
Later, I asked Miss Peche for her verdict. “It isn’t the same crust as my mom’s, and her pie was more pudding-y,” she said, and took another thoughtful bite. “But yes, it does bring back memories.”,” she said, and gave me a sharp look. “You write that down!”
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