College can provide a rich, rewarding experience for students if they really prioritize materialism and bring cool stuff. Here is The Onion’s essential college shopping guide.
As you embark on your college journey, you simply must have your goons around you. Every college student needs goons. Big goons. Little goons. Doesn’t matter what size, so long as they’re willing to just start wrecking shit for absolutely no reason.
Goons keep all kinds of weapons on them: guns, knives, fuck it, even nunchucks or that weird shit. Some goons don’t speak English. Some never wear a shirt. Some only come out at night and fear the sun. All that matters is that they’re goons, and that they don’t give a fuck.
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