CHICAGO—Finding itself desperately uncertain that it could take it much longer, the sweat-soaked mattress belonging to Jared and Carla Ames prayed Wednesday that this would be the year the couple finally invested in air conditioning. “It’s pricey, I get it, but for Christ’s sake, I’m literally drowning here and these…
CHICAGO—Finding itself desperately uncertain that it could take it much longer, the sweat-soaked mattress belonging to Jared and Carla Ames prayed Wednesday that this would be the year the couple finally invested in air conditioning.
“It’s pricey, I get it, but for Christ’s sake, I’m literally drowning here and these fans are doing less than jack shit,” said the queen-sized mattress, which claimed it has spent the last five summers yearning with every ounce of its memory foam core for a higher power to intervene and compel the couple to splurge on a window unit. “I start every night warm and reach every morning absolutely sopping wet. This can’t go on. Changing the sheets doesn’t do a thing.
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