“The challenge in maintaining friendships is making the effort to pay attention and remember things, like a friend’s kids’ names, where she works, and why she won’t eat at a certain restaurant.”
[While ADHD coaching is recommended as one element of treatment, many women look to their friendships to provide ad-hoc coaching. Nan has friends with and without ADHD. Of her non-ADHD friends, she says, “A few have discovered that I am overwhelmed by simple tasks — filing papers or housework like vacuuming and dusting — which leaves me with a shockingly messy home. My friends help me without making me feel guilty. They have laundered my clothes and balanced my checkbook.
A key to lasting, productive friendships is choosing friends wisely. I — and many of my friends with ADHD — look for patience, support, and a good sense of humor in a friend. My friends have helped me manage my deep-seated insecurity and anxiety. To this day, when I find myself in a situation in which someone is abusive, irrational, or acting inappropriately, I wonder if myare to blame. This is probably due to the fact that my family saw my hyperactivity as willfulness.
For some, though, friendships with others with ADHD work best. “I can back out on my ADHD friends any time,” says Ratey. “But if I back out on my neurotypical friends, they take it personally. It’s seen as lack of commitment, a lack of caring.” Ratey remembers making friends with a woman who, like Ratey, had been recently diagnosed with the condition. Neither of them had started taking medication. While other college kids were popping pills to get high, they sat together on a campus bench, holding their medication in their hands. In that classic bonding moment that only those with ADHD can experience, they started taking their meds together! They have been friends ever since.Making friends is not hard for most adults with ADHD.
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