A Personal Perspective: A counselor may suggest a sober sibling write a letter to someone who has passed away. You may be surprised at what you get from it.
It's not uncommon for the sober sibling left behind to want to talk to a sister or brother who is gone.
Writing to a sibling who has passed away from alcohol or substance use disorder is one way to bridge the gap.I thought of you this morning. I think of you many days, and today I’m writing a letter because it’s better than. There’s no reason not to use your real name now since you’ve been gone for over 15 years. You signed a release allowing me to use it when you were alive, but I wanted to protect your anonymity, so I always gave you a different name anyway then.
I can’t tell you how much the tragedy of your life affected me. Many people recovered, but you were in the group that did not. Intellectually, I know that your sobriety was up to you, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing your life and our relationship had been different. You were my little brother, and it’s not that I wanted to take care of you; I just wanted more of a relationship, or at least one on a more even keel. Your ex-girlfriend’s sister had it right—you had such potential.
Whenever I remember something you did that makes me sad or angry, I try and think of us as kids. I still recall the two of us sitting on the living room floor in front of the TV watching a Disney movie together, although I can’t for the life of me recall which one. I also see us sitting at the kitchen table after dinner one night when everyone else has left the room. We had great fun stirring our ice cream until it was soup.
When you think about it, it’s not only you who has had potential. It was our relationship, too, and I’m not the onlyFind an Addiction TherapistUnderstanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world.
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