Personal Perspective: Discover how moving from kindness to tenderness can transform your life and identity.
When I left Italy in my thirties to live in California, I didn’t fully understand what it meant to be Italian. Part of this was because being Italian in Italy doesn’t carry much significance, and another part of it was because being Italian in the U.S. involves a host of stereotypes perpetuated by movies, old songs, and some foods .
Everywhere I went—whether to the post office or a friend’s home—there was always an underlying uncertainty about the mood I would encounter. A simple trip to the post office could end with either friendly smiles and a promise to have coffee together or a dead end to my intended errands. Without fully realizing it, I developed a deep-seatedabout this phenomenon. Consequently, I honed the skill of reading others' moods to preempt any negative interactions. This was a lot of work for me.
When I moved to California, I had mixed feelings about the pervasive friendliness and kindness I encountered. It was incredibly refreshing and restful for my psyche, but I also experienced a sense ofHaving spent most of my life openly expressing my emotions, I never considered the potential downsides of being kind. I believed that kindness was the best behavior to adopt in society for the benefit of both oneself and others.
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