As the largest group of single older people in history, many older adults are choosing companionship and independence over traditional romantic relationships to combat loneliness. With shifting priorities and fewer dating options, they are finding contentment in friendships, casual connections, and solo living.
Aug. 13, 2024 -- Eight years ago, Lori, a 64-year-old retiree living in Maine, was beside herself with grief as her daughter moved away. Afraid of the impendingIn her 17 years as a divorcee, Lori – who asked that her last name not be used -- occasionally browsed an online dating site and has been in two long-term relationships. But after the last breakup, “I realized I didn’t mind doing life by myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it,” she said.
Spouses have traditionally been the primary companions and caregivers of older age, but current older adults say they aren’t looking to date or remarry. Older adults are at a stage when many can afford to design the life they want — and romantic partnership doesn’t meet the needs of every person, experts told WebMD. Dating options, shifting priorities, finances, and family all factor into their decision.
Harris said that her female survey respondents often say things like, “I finally can do whatever I want and I want to keep that” or “I had a marriage. My husband was great. I just don’t want that again.”, adept at networking and maintaining social bonds, Harris said. They often don’t feel the need for a partner because they already lead rich social lives filling their time with family, volunteer work, church, pickleball leagues, tennis clubs, and book clubs, she said.
While Tom – who also asked that his last name not be used -- said he’s not against remarriage, it has some financial downsides — legally entangling his business and his children’s inheritance. “Financially ... it makes more sense for me to stay single,” he said. “They want the love, companionship, and sexual relationship without the hassle of entering a legal union,” said Deborah Carr, PhD, a sociologist who studies later life at Boston University.While many older people have reasons for not dating, many are also still open to love. But finding it may take some strategy.
In either case, meeting potential dates often requires some strategy and willingness to deviate from your social circle, Sassler said. She studies how couples meet and said women, for instance, will have more luck meeting single men doing active activities like bird watching or volunteering for the Sierra Club. “You have to stay active and think hard about where the sex ratio is more balanced,” she said.
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