I whisper and squeak, begging again for the thing that will save me, that will let me raise my children.
I languidly watch the nurse start my IV iron drip. After what felt like a lifetime of pregnancies , I snuggle into my bed, finally able to relax.I did it. My beautiful daughter was born yesterday.My mother watches the squishy baby lovingly while she sleeps in the bassinet. My husband and our three-year-old daughter and two-year-old son are on their way. We're so excited to have the kids all meet for the first time.
Doom unbidden, uncontrollable is barreling toward me.Through the haze of my tears and my swollen eyelids, I see one of my friends from residency holding my hand as my body dies.She is the attending pediatrician on service today. She made sure my newborn daughter was safe, and then came back to be with me. How comforting, I think, to at least have a friend hold my hand.I who have led code teams innumerable, am powerless. I am dying, so close to gone. I hear questions float around me.
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