Dear Care and Feeding: This is a logistical nightmare!
Until recently, I was in a queer-platonic partnership and co-parenting a child . We were theoretically supporting each other and planning retirement together, as well as doing everything a couple would do except being romantically involved. Then that relationship ended abruptly and dramatically, and now I am no longer permitted to see the child.
I don’t even feel right saying this was my kid, as I had no legal or other status recognizable in the family, the community, or the state. But I was effectively a step-mother in every other way: cooking, cleaning, bathing, kissing boo-boos, singing lullabies, being the at-home parent facilitating online learning during the pandemic, going to social and sporting events, attending school parties, and so on.
You need to talk about what you are feeling so that you can process it. It will take time for you to find peace; don’t beat yourself up for not being “over it” or moving on quickly. You were part of this family for years, and it is going to take you some time to adjust to what has happened. Be as gentle with yourself as possible. I wish you all the best in moving forward and urge you to focus on taking care of your heart as best you can.
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