Miss Manners: When an uninvited guest joins and monopolizes the conversation

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Miss Manners: When an uninvited guest joins and monopolizes the conversation
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She ran into them at the cafe, sat down and monopolized the whole conversation.

The scenario: Four friends gather at a cafe, looking forward to catching up. A woman with a tenuous connection to one of the four comes over to chat while waiting for her dining companion, who never shows. She proceeds to sit at the table, eat her lunch and monopolize the conversation.

But if you can catch her before she sits down, or when she realizes that her companion is not arriving, you can say, “We're having a sort of meeting here that would bore you. I'm afraid you will have to excuse us. We'd be glad to see you some other time.”Let us not quibble about softening the wording. You and your friends are, indeed, meeting, even if you are not holding a meeting. And everyone knows that “some other time” means never.

On one visit, when I offered her iced tea or lemonade, she told me she didn't want either. She said that before her next visit, I should buy her favorite soda — which she described by brand, flavor and where I could purchase it. On another occasion, when I provided her with a cup of hot tea, she told me she didn't like it and asked me what other brands I had.

Although I have a comfortable couch, on one occasion she told me to get up from my easy chair to let her sit there instead. After a dinner party with other guests, she said, “You have food left over. I’d like to take some home with me.”I've accommodated her on all these occasions, but I am really starting to resent the various demands. I almost don't want her visiting anymore because the event becomes so joyless.

I’m looking for a polite phrase to avoid being pressed for an explanation for something I don’t want to explain.should be accompanied by a philosophical smile and a shrug. If you need an illustration of the gesture, Miss Manners suggests watching old French movies.Ask Elaine: Is my dream job worth dealing with my toxic co-founder?

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