Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
My twin sister and I got shower invitations that we don’t understand. It’s for a close friend of ours from high school who just got engaged, and the hostess is another friend of hers we don’t know very well.We’ve never heard of such a thing. Does this mean she only wants cash? The couple are very well-off, much more than either of us.
Yet apparently some people really are tired of the present-gouging routine, which has become meaningless. Now and then, a host will issue instructions that guests should not bring presents to the celebration of a birthday, graduation or wedding. And they actually mean it; it is not a way to collect money instead of goods.
The catch was having to think. And possibly to guess wrong. Everyone has stories of the present that failed. But this came with a different catch. Instead of “I understand you,” this practice says, “I have your shopping list.” What is the pleasure in giving or receiving if the sentiment has been removed?
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