Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
: My brother died of a sudden heart attack while having dinner with friends. One of his friends called me and I headed straight to the hospital, but it was too late.
After a few days, I decided to tackle the bag of personal belongings, where I came across my brother’s cellphone. It had run out of power and needed charging, so I plugged it in. Almost instantly, it started pinging with messages -- the vast majority of which were condolences from my brother’s colleagues. Most of them signed their names as “John Doe, Position at Company.”
Some of the people who had sent messages then started calling my brother’s phone. When I answered, some were polite and civil, wanting to re-express their condolences. But others were inquisitive and prying , which made me regret answering at all.What is the proper procedure in a situation like this?: Knowingly calling a deceased person’s phone is morbid, and quite frankly, lazy. Not only does it not replace a proper condolence letter, but it annoys and disorients a grieving family.
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