Miss Manners: In-laws don’t ‘host,’ they order meals from relatives

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Miss Manners: In-laws don’t ‘host,’ they order meals from relatives
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: For years, my sister-in-law has asked us to bring something when she is hosting. ... we end up getting virtually everything for the gathering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For years, my sister-in-law has asked us to bring something when she is hosting. It’s often on short notice, so they’ll ask us to swing by the store. She will then send us a list and we end up getting virtually everything for the gathering.

We have tried inviting their family to our home, but they prefer to host because they have children. When we do have them here, we are happy to provide all the food. GENTLE READER: Their assertion that they prefer to host rings hollow when they do not act like hosts. What they really prefer is to make you do everything, including the driving.

When you do, eventually, agree to visit them, answer any shopping requests with a change of venue: You are happy to provide the meal, but it will be much easier for you to do so at home, where you already have everything at the ready. Sharing the cost will take longer as it is impolite to dun guests, either for food or money. But as you remove the excuse that they are always hosting, the inequality should become apparent even to them.

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