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to random strangers doling out unsolicited parenting advice. But an equally accurate proverb, and one we hear far less, is “it takes a village to date as a single mom.”
My early days of dating as a single mom in grad school were shored up by a support system I now realize I took for granted. My daughter was born in Atlanta, and I had an older cousin in the city who loved to spend time with her, giving me the free time it took to build the kind of social life I’d only dreamed of. The rest of my “village” was made up of fellow grad students and their friends, many of whom doubled as babysitters and companions to nightclubs, house parties, and other social events.
On a Wednesday soon after I began my friendship with Tamika, I had a place to go: my first date with a woman. Tamika introduced me to a friend of hers who lived in Louisiana but had managed to date around our friend group in Atlanta. She charmed me in the same restaurants she took all her Atlanta dates while Tamika kept my daughter. The long-distance relationship that followed was made possible by my village.
Unfortunately, graduations and job searches disrupted my first village, sending my daughter’s favorite aunts beyond our reach. I moved back to Kentucky to teach too many classes at a university. Most of my colleagues were close to retirement and disinterested in making new friends, and many of the staff members were recent graduates of the university who were at least 10 years my junior.
I know that before I try dating again, I need to rebuild some semblance of the community I had in Atlanta. No matter how independent you may be, dating as a single mother takes so much more support than childcare. Everyone has a multitude of needs, and no one person can fulfill all of them.
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