“After years of thinking about it, Jared’s arrived at the conclusion that the Middle East would be better off if people stopped ‘doing terrorism.’'
occasions, but this week was one for the ages. During his introductory segment on Sunday night, Oliver laid into Kushner’s plan for the Middle East—which, the comedian argued, “is not a real plan; it is a ‘vision’ that fits somewhere between economic wish list and remembered rich boy wet dream.”
This week, Kushner met with Middle Eastern leaders in Bahrain to detail his dream for investment in Palestine once peace is achieved. Unfortunately, Kushner decided to explainhe planned to achieve peace in the region. “If we have a real peace, and there’s not a fear of people doing terrorism,” then things will improve, Kushner said.
“Yes,” Oliver said. “After years of thinking about it, Jared’s arrived at the conclusion that the Middle East would be better off if people stopped ‘doing terrorism.’ Just think about the chain of events that led to that moment.” Oliver continued, his voice picking up speed with glee: “Jared had that idea, ‘no doing terrorism,’ and thought, That’s an awesome point! I’m gonna write that down. So he did. And then he went to sleep, exhausted by the thought. He woke up the next morning, read what he’d written, and he was like, ‘Yup. Nailed it! I’m a good boy.’ Then he said that point, unembarrassed, out loud, in front of actual human beings—which should be humiliating.
“Exactly!” Oliver said after cutting to the clip. “He is right because if you didn’t know it before this week, it is now painfully clear the only way Jared’s getting peace in the Middle East is if he somehow stumbles on a button in the woods labeled ‘Middle East peace button.’ And even then there’s only a 50-50 chance that he knows enough to fucking press it.”
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