JAN MOIR: Tom Cruise gives me the creeps

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JAN MOIR: Tom Cruise gives me the creeps
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JAN MOIR: I know he's a charismatic gnome but even as a Hollywood A-lister devoted to dare-devilry, Tom Cruise gives me the creeps

He is the last man standing, the straightest of straight arrows and according to some the only true A-list film star left in the world.It's irrational, it's unfair, but I can't help it.

Approaching his 60th birthday, Tom is the Dorian Gray of action films, a man who will strap himself to the outside of a fuselage the way that most men will strap themselves inside a car. This is supposed to be marvellous, but isn't it also a little weird? Over the years, Cruise has burnished his reputation as a risk-taker extraordinaire and a seeker of onscreen authenticity; he has dodged explosions, leapt off cliffs, clung onto the door of an airplane, hung out of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper in Dubai and escaped from an exploding fish tank, all while keeping his manly jaw clenched and firm

Despite the fact that this is a sequel, there is no role for the two actresses who were the beating emotional heart of the original film. We all know that the film industry is no place for old women, especially not at the side of the world's leading man. Such a shame, as their presence would have lent a poignant charge to the film and depth to the shared hinterland.

She's right, of course. It is only men like Tom who can Cruise on for ever, assured of their place and status among the hegemony of Hollywood. Some accused him of turning the historical pageant to mark the start of the Queen's Platinum Jubilee celebrations into the Tom Cruise Show, but I like to think perhaps he was there in person to tell Her Maj that just like Jennifer and Meg, she also failed to get a role in his new film on account of her age.'He made proper eye contact. He is a class act,' said Phillip Schofield after interviewing him for ITV, sounding brainwashed and bewitched.

Andy Cooke risked the fury of struggling retailers by suggesting officers should use their ‘discretion’ when deciding whether to prosecute food shoplifters who may be ‘stealing to eat’. Where do we draw the line? Is it OK to steal tins of soup and cereal, but not OK to steal smoked salmon and a crisp white wine to go with it? Who is a chancer and a crook, who is really in need and who is to decide? Don’t ask Andy Cooke. He doesn’t know either.It has been reported that Harry and Meghan have let cameras into their home to film everyday life Chez Sussex.But it was only ever going to be a matter of time.

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