‘I Can Still Cook This, Right,’ Asks Woman Holding Up Writhing, Screaming Potato With 8-Foot-Long Roots

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‘I Can Still Cook This, Right,’ Asks Woman Holding Up Writhing, Screaming Potato With 8-Foot-Long Roots
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JERSEY CITY, NJ—Shrugging while pulling the several-months-old vegetable out of a bag on her counter, local woman Janice Freidman reportedly inspected a writhing, screaming potato with 8-foot-long roots Friday before deeming it “probably still good.” “I bet it’s fine—if I just cut off the spiked, muscular tendrils and…

JERSEY CITY, NJ—Shrugging while pulling the several-months-old vegetable out of a bag on her counter, local woman Janice Freidman reportedly inspected a writhing, screaming potato with 8-foot-long roots Friday before deeming it “probably still good.

” “I bet it’s fine—if I just cut off the spiked, muscular tendrils and peel the thick, green-ish skin, I can bake it and it’ll be good as new,” said Freidman, who, after taking a knife and stabbing the potato a few times, noted that despite the spud’s toothy, frothing mouth and constant shrieking, its texture and smell were not that concerning. “Sure, I probably should have used this like a week ago, but as long as I can free my wrist from these tendrils, it’ll be perfectly good to eat.

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