This review explores Heart Eyes, a slasher film that attempts to blend romance and horror, but ultimately falls short. The reviewer criticizes the film's predictability, stilted performances, and awkward attempts at humor, while acknowledging some redeeming qualities such as the inventive kills and fast-paced action.
Wait, so if this movie has a joke about how two detectives are named Hobbs and Shaw, then that means the Fast & Furious movies exist in this universe. But Detective Shaw is played by Jordana Brewster, so how did they not notice that she looks exactly the same as Mia Toretto?, the second Valentine’s Day movie to come out the week before V-Day 2025 .
It’s honestly impressive how predictable this film was. Within the first 20 minutes, I had my prime suspect. Halfway through, there’s a moment where the screenplay decides not to show us a crucial detail, and from there, I was completely sure who the killer was. At that point, I was just waiting for them to reveal who it was. Then, in the final act, when we have our “Surprise!” moment, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at how obvious it was.
But Heart Eyes strikes this weird balance between a Hallmark rom-com and a slasher film, so by the books, it almost becomes a parody. The story beats are so formulaic that it never surprises you. You have a strong sense of what’s going to happen several minutes before it happens. The film tries its best to get us to care about Ally and Jay, with Ally showing off her jaded single life as Jay is more of a charming, hopeless romantic. They feel like archetypes.
SLASHER ROM-COM PREDICTABLE VIOLENCE CAMPY
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