Colin Nissan humorously writes a fall guided meditation that includes the autumnal vistas of New England, stunning foliage, cider doughnuts, meth, and murder.
Take a deep breath as you imagine boarding the foliage tour bus. There are other people on this bus, but don’t let them detract from your experience. This is your meditation. Throughout these next ten minutes, I really need you to remember that. All the window seats are taken. That’s fine. There are no bad views on this bus. You choose a seat next to a middle-aged man with a large camera dangling from his neck.
Just as she’s about to scream, you take Barb’s phone and drive it into Carol’s temple, then kick her over the edge as if you’ve done it a million times before. Though you only did what you had to do, you will live with this forever. But right now you’re meditating, and the view is magnificent. Dazed, you make your way back toward the bus, but stop when you catch the sound of muffled sobs from behind a bush. It’s Warren, staring off into the abyss as he injects himself with something.
Satire Autumn Guided Meditation
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Illinois Fall Foliage: Your guide to scenic drives and hidden gems across the stateFor leaf peepers itching to enjoy everything autumn has to offer, it's time to grab your cozy sweater, sip on a warm pumpkin spice latte, and hit the open road for some fall magic.
Read more »
'Crazy tourists' are creating a fall foliage frenzy, locals gripe: 'THIS was dangerous'A popular New Hampshire spot has been overrun with visitors to the point that they are causing rush hour-like bumper-to-bumper traffic — on trails.
Read more »
When leaf peepers pile onto New England trails, it can ruin fall foliage for allThe post-summer travel discounts make fall a great time to travel. Travel expert Mark Ellwood stops by TODAY to share his top location and hotel picks for the perfect getaway, including Ottowa, Cape Cod, Baton Rouge, and more!
Read more »
Fall Foliage Tours Explode in Popularity: What to Know Before You GoWith peak fall foliage season upon us, popular destinations are seeing massive crowds, leading to increased congestion and safety concerns. This report explores the surge in popularity of fall foliage tours and provides essential tips for planning a safe and enjoyable trip.
Read more »
Creekside Farms Fall Foliage Wreath, HandmadeA fall wreath we’ll be keeping around all season. This festive piece is made by hand in Greenfield, California on 20-acre Creekside Farms. (Dried leaves, savory, broom corn, and wheat all make an appearance.) It’ll ship fresh to your door—just give it a spritz of water every now and then to revive its autumnal scent.
Read more »
How to Have the Best Instagram-Worthy Fall Foliage Trip, Gilmore Girls StyleFind out how to make the most of fall and find autumn leaves for days (and Halloween and Gilmore Girls vibes) in upstate New York.
Read more »