Choosing to be estranged from one's family is a painful dilemma, and it's a choice therapists often discount or minimize.
Needing to break ties with family members might be the only way to preserve one's sense of self.I trained as a therapist nearly 40 years ago, and family systems theory was the primary tool for “cracking the code” of each client’s behavior patterns and emotional struggles – a kind ofAs part of our coursework studies, classmates and I took turns describing our families, our upbringing and the unsolved mysteries of inter-family dynamics.
Since then, I’ve worked with clients on every side of the estrangement process and I’ve never encountered anyone who worked through that choice lightly. Gabor Mate talks about the very real cost of But as she faced deeper truths, she questioned the “obligation” to stay involved with someone who truly wasn’t capable of valuing her in very basic ways. She began to have less and less contact, and eventually decided to disconnect completely. Anyone who thought she didn’t do the hard work of intimacy didn’t know her journey. “I didn’t hate my mom. I didn’t even dislike her. I just didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her cruelty anymore, and I realized my mom wasn’t able to stop herself.
about the conversations they were NOT willing to have. They reported feeling much freer in their emotional lives without the “static” of his constant pressure to accommodate his wishes.Misconception 3: Estrangement is an ‘endpoint’ in the family relationship process.
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