The author grapples with the emotional turmoil of their estranged brother's terminal illness, compounded by his family's decision to withhold information about the hereditary cancer. They question their role in honoring their brother's memory and navigating potential family tension.
My brother and I have been estranged for decades, due to consecutive family incidents that accumulated, unresolved, over years. A little over a year ago, I learned through a mutual friend that my brother has an incurable cancer — the kind that is hereditary and would place me at a significantly elevated risk. I immediately booked an appointment with my doctor, which took four months. And then testing that also took months to come back.
During this time, I was anxiously awaiting results knowing that the cancer could be silently developing in me. I was also upset that my brother and his family did not share this news with me so that I could undergo testing ASAP. I heard his condition was worsening so I swallowed my pride and resentment and knocked on his door to visit him. He calmly said he was “not interested” and that was that. I feel torn should he pass; do I show up and pay respects knowing his family chose not to give me a “heads up” on the disease I may have? (I tested negative but need annual testing for the rest of my life.) I’m not sure I’d be welcome. I also assume that, unless my brother reaches out to me, he wouldn’t want me to attend his funeral service. What to do
Family Estranged Cancer Grief Communication
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