I can’t help who I’m attracted to, but I do not want to be a bigot.
Should I let things play out a little more, or should I just end them now? He could tell that I was taken aback, and he did his best to reassure me that he was still a good match for me. He seems absolutely convinced, but I am not at all. Part of me wonders if I am simply looking for an “out,” too, because I had reached a point in my life where I was very content being single. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
DEAR CONFUSED: From what you know so far, it sounds like this person has several qualities that would make him either a good friend or good partner. What he shared with you was, as you said, not what you were expecting to hear, but that shouldn’t necessarily rule him out as a potential love interest.
Be honest and inquisitive. Let him know this is the first time you’ve dated someone who identifies as nonbinary and pansexual before and that you might have some questions. If you’re comfortable doing so, spend more time together on dates or in casual settings. He, ultimately, may not be your love match, and that’s just an inevitable reality of dating. But you might be surprised where the relationship could go or how you could feel about him if you write him off too early.
Beyond this particular relationship, you should also give some thought to how committed you are to dating right now in general. Your letter mentions a few times that you’re satisfied as a single woman. Before you continue seeing this man or any others, I’d think long and hard about whether or not you genuinely want to be in a serious relationship at this point in time in your life.
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