I’m heartbroken that she might never make it out here, and I don’t know what to do next.
Annie Lane tries to help one family deal with the fallout of one member's mental illness in today's column.
My older brother, who has been living with her, suffers from undiagnosed mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. He’s been unable to hold a steady job, so he’s lived with my parents for years. My older brother lacks insight into his hoarding disorder and doesn’t believe in medicine , so there is no hope of him getting the help he needs, despite our attempts to persuade him.
My mother and brother have a toxic, codependent relationship. He frequently alludes to suicide whenever she pushes him to move out or clean up, which makes her back down every time. She’s unable to set firm boundaries that prioritize her own well-being, and she constantly says, “He has nowhere to go.” It’s clear he will never leave voluntarily, and they both continue living in misery, unable to move forward.
Is there anything else I can do to help her? Any advice for my mom? -- Desperate DaughterYou’ve done everything in your power to help your mother with this incredibly difficult situation. Unfortunately, it is up to her to set boundaries with your brother and make the moves she needs to get to her West Coast home.
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