'While nearly every aspect of my work and social life had slowed to a halt, my sex life was never more active than when I was incapacitated'
Photo-Illustration: J.V. Aranda Welcome to It’s Complicated, stories on the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships.
These brief late-night texts have become a standard exchange between us ever since we reconnected as old friends turned fuck buddies on Tinder several months earlier. I tell him I can’t come over because my foot is broken, and I’m surprised to find that he’s not only awake, but also seemingly turned on by this response. He asks to see a photo of my cast, which is hot pink with neon yellow stripes and covers the length of my right calf, and tells me he’s jumping in an Uber to my place.
During that time, basic errands like grocery shopping became an able-bodied luxury I could no longer accomplish on my own. Even taking a shower required a level of time and strategy I’d never considered back when I took my two functioning feet for granted. But in spite of these challenges, there was one thing that became noticeably easier: getting laid.
One guy I’d been casually dating on and off for months offered to bring me dinner, despite the fact that we almost never hung out at my place. I’d ended things with him earlier that summer, but something about his text — “Can I be your Kathy Bates?” — made me reconsider. It was a reference to the Stephen King movie Misery, in which Bates’s character holds a writer hostage and chops off his foot with an axe.
The thought of it made me cringe — but it didn’t stop me from embracing the circumstance. Before long, “Come over and sign my cast” had become my coded sexual proposition of choice, akin to asking someone if they wanted to Netflix and chill.
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