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in their thirties lives with roommates, one might assume that something is wrong: financial precarity, odd immaturity, unusual caregiving responsibilities. But, a producer and editor at NPR, lives with her husband, their two friends, and those friends’ young children because she’s chosen to place friendship at the center of her life. In their olive-green rowhouse in Dupont Circle, the walls are adorned with a hodgepodge of both couples’ art, and two high chairs abut the dining-room table.
You use those terms, “romantic friendship” and “platonic partner-ship,” frequently in the book. What do they mean? So I think that both homophobia and the growth in our expectations of marriage have impoverished friendship and led us to this place where you’re not even supposed to work on a friendship. It’s supposed to be easy. Only a relationship that doesn’t matter is one that you wouldn’t work on. If a relationship has any kind of power and meaning and sustained presence in your life, it’s going to involve some trickiness.
In your book, you write about a man who has started asking himself what the fullest version of each of his friendships looks like. Pragmatically, what does that mean? There are many. Most Fridays, we host Shabbat as a house. That is the thing that makes it feel like a home and not just that we happen to be sharing space together. I think the benefits with the kids are pretty clear: You have a connection with a kid who cares for you, and that’s a special, beautiful thing. At the bris for their second child, my husband held the newborn and I was the person to announce the name to the community.
Well, I’d like to banish the phrase “just friends,” because what could be more than friendship? But I think, in general, if people were operating from a place of curiosity about, like,
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