What did the pirate say when he turned 80? 'Aye matey!'
A termite walks into a bar and asks,"Is the bar tender here?"When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!FAST FOOD WORKER:"Any condiments?" DAD:"Compliments? You look very nice today!”Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
Judge says,"First offender?" She says,"No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender,"I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."When you ask a dad if he's alright:"No, I’m half left.”GROCERY STORE CHECKER:"Paper or plastic?" DAD:"Either, I’m bisacktual.
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