‘You Are The Jewel Of My Collection,’ Says Saudi Prince While Guiding Frightened Jared Kushner Toward Harem

📆 11/30/2020 2:05 PM
📰 TheOnion

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WASHINGTON—Gently placing his hand on the small of Jared Kushner’s back, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman applied only the gentlest of pressure—no more than a petal falling to the surface of a fountain—and in a voice heavy with anticipation, whispered “You are the jewel of my collection,” thus guiding his frightened new prize toward his harem, royal sources confirmed Thursday. “Once we reach my palace and you pass through the secret doors of scarlet silk, your former life’s tribulations and entanglements shall fade, and you shall live to serve me and me alone—this I swear to you, most precious and delicate Jared, that you will want for nothing,” said bin Salman, collapsing onto a velvet fainting couch as his concubines adorned the White House senior advisor in sheer yet elegant robes and anointed his skin with rosewater. “Do not tremble, my doe; my lamb; my delicate bird. The inevitable is nothing to fear, and already your soft features and perfect alabaster skin have set you in a high place among the most cherished of all my playthings. Come to me, so that I may drink deep of the wonder and spectacle that is my Jared Kushner.” At press time, Kushner, now shirtless and moving as one in a waking dream, had draped himself along a sumptuous bed of pillows and closed his heavy eyes, his mind escaping on the rivulets of gentle music played on an unseen lute.

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saeedthabit مجرم يلتقي مجرم من حطب جهنم

😂😂😂

He was introducing them to a eunuch 😂

😅😅😅

He's his jewels all right. But then he's been sucking jewels a long time.

He'll make a beautiful & pliant bride 😆 🤣 😂

He came with the Ivanka’s dowry.

Does Jewish Ken doll even have a penis?

They are both gay

‘Bring me a new Jared! This one has burst’

Thin text and rotten stylistics.. No wonder you are the smelly onion! 😃 We are almost 2021, consider updating your writing style.

Muh lil BEEYOTCH

Ewe, filth, these people belong in the depths of hell. PalestineSolidarity Palestine

TrumpMeltdown Murderers!

Damn! On point. 💯

realDonaldTrump why'd you sell Jared?

joshrogin MBS got a bride representing the LGBTQ community. That’s progress.

joshrogin Why is this not breaking news? Im guessing MBS meant that Kushner was an ally? This is insane lmaaaao

jaredskolnick

Finally! The real reason why Trump hired him comes out.

You sure have a pretty mouth boy. I need someone like in my harem.

He has a waistline, but the pageboy 'do gotta go

In his Farewell Address, George Washington warned of 'cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men' who might try 'to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion'

Jared's dream...

What happened next 👀🤣🤣🤣

MJMcKean Jared has a sugar daddy

Ouch!

MJMcKean How am I going to ask the prince for more money to safe trump.

lol

Not to worry that is just the butchers trimming some journalists

'Won't you step into my parlor?' said the spider to the fly.

MJMcKean This photo scares the crap out of me.

I wouldn’t bother. He clearly has no genitalia

I guess Jared needed a vacation on our tax money .Trump and his family are crooks. Republicans are you watching the mob boss Trump and criminal family

Kkkkkk

Homophobic you are

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