Writer Mimi Zhu on how to be soft with ourselves

and trauma from the perspective of their lived experiences and struggles to overcome abuse and depression. As Mimi developed tools in their own growth process, their digital community also grew. They witnessed the beauty of readers and followers “getting to know themselves and being soft with themselves” through their own self-work. “It gives me a lot of meaning, a lot of fulfillment, knowing that we're all going through this exploration of depth together,” they say.

Social media is this really strange double-edged sword, right? On one end, there's this huge potential to connect and then there's this other dark side, of disconnection and consumption and what feels like connecting, but isn't. It was such an intimate and private practice for me. I was in a really toxic, abusive relationship on and off for three years. Toxic relationships are so interesting, because even though you're striving to be in partnership with someone, it can be the loneliest and most isolating you can ever feel. It's easy also to feel super isolated and lonely and have all these feelings of rage and sadness and loneliness with nowhere to put it. Spiritually, I didn't know how to be alone.

I got a new journal recently and it took me forever to take the plastic off, because there really is that feeling of “It's not going to be good enough, whatever it is I'm feeling.” I definitely had a big, big revelation about relationships. I was so addicted to being occupied. I realized how much I condemned myself for being unproductive and therefore in my moments of stillness, feeling so ashamed. Addicted to constant movement. That was a really big wake-up call for me. I was doing too much.

It feels like a door has been opened to paying more attention, to digging into how we're relating to each other on an identity level. These points of reckoning were really stark — in our face. I'm curious to know if there are any tools that were helpful for you in processing the racial violence and tragedy of this past year.

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