Worst Ways Amazon Exploits Workers During Black Friday

Worst Ways Amazon Exploits Workers During Black Friday

Amazon, Economy Of The United States

11/27/2021 1:15:00 AM

Worst Ways Amazon Exploits Workers During Black Friday

No one knows why Amazon randomly generates tremors throughout its fulfillment centers, only that you’re not getting paid for re-shelving 10,000 square feet of sneakers.

The Same Things They Do All The Other DaysList slidesThe Same Things They Do All The Other DaysA real successful company like Amazon isn’t going to let its employees off the hook of exploitation 364 days of the year.AdvertisementFewer Spots To Pass Out

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List slidesFewer Spots To Pass OutPeak staffing and expanded inventory means much less floor space to faint.AdvertisementChristmas Music Pumped Into The Shipping CenterList slidesChristmas Music Pumped Into The Shipping CenterCome on, it’s not even December yet.

AdvertisementList slidesMarking Them 50% OffAmazon clearly doesn’t value their employees if they are selling them for such deep discounts.AdvertisementList slidesRinging The BellWorkers aren’t sure what they’re supposed to do when they hear it, and that’s the scariest part. headtopics.com

AdvertisementEntire Workforce Required To Split Single Bean For DinnerList slidesEntire Workforce Required To Split Single Bean For DinnerSharing a paper-thin slice of a single lima bean is particularly galling when workers are clearly able to see Jeff Bezos through the nearby window enjoying a feast of steak and goose pie.

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AdvertisementMakes Them Carjack Their Delivery VehiclesList slidesMakes Them Carjack Their Delivery VehiclesFacing a shortage of package delivery vans, Amazon has begun requiring workers to provide their own by giving them a handgun and a ski mask and wishing them good luck.

AdvertisementList slidesJeff Bezos Wife ContestAs if working grueling 16-hour shifts with no breaks weren’t humiliating enough, every black Friday, Jeff Bezos lines the every worker up and picks that year’s bride.AdvertisementList slidesRobots Get Time Off

Thousands of fulfillment center robots have generous time off, leaving additional transport and sorting tasks to already-exhausted human workers.AdvertisementWorkers Forced To Urinate In Cranberry Sauce CanList slidesWorkers Forced To Urinate In Cranberry Sauce Can headtopics.com

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While management has claimed this adds a festive bent to Black Friday, workers would still overwhelmingly prefer actual bathroom breaks.AdvertisementSpeaking To Them In Bleeps And BloopsList slidesSpeaking To Them In Bleeps And BloopsAmazon cannot, in good faith, argue that they don’t treat their workers like robots when they only communicate to them using onomatopoeiac machine sounds.

AdvertisementAsk Them To Help Jeff Bezos MoveList slidesAsk Them To Help Jeff Bezos MoveNo matter how much he apologizes, it’s just plain rude that Bezos didn’t hire a mover, told his employees about the move on short notice, and roped everyone into helping move that heavy sleeper sofa through that tight hallway.

AdvertisementNo Hugs For Doing A Good JobList slidesNo Hugs For Doing A Good JobDespite relying on these workers to make the almost $2 trillion company function, Amazon workers are not even given a congratulatory hug to let them know that management is proud of them and they are loved.

AdvertisementList slidesUsing Workers As DronesIn order to increase efficiency, Amazon has been known to surgically implant propellers into its employees’ backs so they can be used as delivery drones by the company.AdvertisementList slidesTheir Human Teeth Deal headtopics.com

While we can’t prove thousands of discount teeth came from workers, there’s no way Amazon would be able to advertise a human tooth sale for 10 days straight if they weren’t.AdvertisementDistracting OSHA Rep With Tom Clancy’s Jack RyanList slidesDistracting OSHA Rep With Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan

Workers have little chance of having their grievances heard when the OSHA inspector is locked in a conference room watchingTom Clancy’s Jack Ryanon the warehouse manager’s laptop.AdvertisementMakes Them Pay For Everything You BuyList slidesMakes Them Pay For Everything You Buy

Where do you think those sales come from? You think Amazon’s bottom line takes the hit? You’re out of your mind.AdvertisementGiving Workers A Free Fire Kindle Fire Tablet If They Kill Their Pro-Union ColleaguesList slidesGiving Workers A Free Fire Kindle Fire Tablet If They Kill Their Pro-Union Colleagues

Anyone with a rudimentary understanding of labor laws can confirm that this is an illegal union-busting tactic.AdvertisementSetting Up Self-Surgery Stations For Workplace InjuriesList slidesSetting Up Self-Surgery Stations For Workplace InjuriesInstead of spending money on professionals who can administer first aid, Amazon forces workers to perform their own medical treatment to save the company time and money.

AdvertisementLabels The Slow Ones As “Drone Meat”List slidesLabels The Slow Ones As “Drone Meat”Yes, Amazon drones are entirely powered by human flesh, but that doesn’t mean they have to use their workers.AdvertisementForced to Witness The Blatant Commercialism Of The Holiday Season

List slidesForced to Witness The Blatant Commercialism Of The Holiday SeasonAlways a bummer when you’re not on the receiving end of things.AdvertisementList slidesMandatory Hot Coal BreaksBlack Friday is hard enough without Amazon forcing workers to remove their shoes and stand on hot coals every 30 minutes.

AdvertisementMust Fight Robots For Jeff Bezos’s PleasureList slidesMust Fight Robots For Jeff Bezos’s PleasureEmployees are regularly subjected to gladiator battles against fulfillment robots for nothing more than CEO Jeff Bezos’s amusement.

Read more: The Onion »

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