World Wildlife Fund Apologizes After Years Of Working With Well-Known Whale Pedophile

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 22 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 12%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

GLAND, SWITZERLAND—Confirming it had severed all ties to the disgraced 30-ton marine mammal, the World Wildlife Fund issued a formal apology Friday in which it acknowledged having worked with an adult whale known for sexually abusing juvenile members of its species. “Though we cannot change the past, we would like to…

GLAND, SWITZERLAND—Confirming it had severed all ties to the disgraced 30-ton marine mammal, the World Wildlife Fund issued a formal apology Friday in which it acknowledged having worked with an adult whale known for sexually abusing juvenile members of its species.

“Though we cannot change the past, we would like to say how sorry we are to all the calves victimized by the heinous actions of a humpback whale that for years appeared regularly in our promotional materials,” WWF president Pavan Sukhdev said in reference to the mature male cetacean that reportedly groomed struggling underage whales for sex with its loud, hours-long vocalizations and generous offers of krill.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

Whale-known

Was always a nar-do-wahl.

TransAtlanticWhale

awhalefact

What a weird story, its like you’re normalizing pedophilia .

You guys used to be funny.

Is that a. . . sperm whale?

Whale-pedophilia is no joking matter, thank you.

Damn Onion stop stealing my brain thoughts

I see nothing remotely humorous in the concept of a 'pedophile whale'.

Podophile, surely?

awhalefact dude.

At least the whale lost a bunch of weight eating at subway

You just can't tell, eh.

Moby Dick?

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

David Tennant's son Ty stars alongside his dad for BBC's Around the World in 80 DaysDavid Tennant has been busy filming for his brand new project for the BBC – Around the World in 80 Days – but did you know his son has a starring role too? awesome share lot of love 🍻
Source: hellomag - 🏆 24. / 68 Read more »

What the Omicron variant means for the world economyOmicron—or, in the future, Pi, Rho or Sigma—threatens to lower growth and raise inflation I discovered something that's actually Not A SCAM, I will send you the best earning site that will help you earn $1,250 per days and $4,600 every 2days starts now, Free training, No experience need, DM for more info if interested.
Source: TheEconomist - 🏆 6. / 92 Read more »

The Omicron calculus—the world economy is in a tight spotJerome Powell surprised many Fed-watchers this week by suggesting it’s time to “retire” the term “transitory” to describe inflation. On “Money Talks”, we investigate how Omicron might complicate the task of keeping the American economy from overheating UBS Why so stubborn UBS so no need for a boycott of the winter Olympics, LOL UBS If the other countries don't buckle up, then they should blame themselves for being the SICK VIRAL nation.
Source: TheEconomist - 🏆 6. / 92 Read more »

11 shocking royal moments that stunned the worldHELLO! takes a look back at some of the most shocking moments in royal history my best cousin awesome share lot of love 💙
Source: hellomag - 🏆 24. / 68 Read more »

‘I See a Sh*tshow’: Inside the World of Psychedelic TherapyIn the premiere episode of Power Trip, the first season of our new investigative podcast series Cover Story, we embark on an exploration of the dark underbelly of psychedelic therapy
Source: NYMag - 🏆 111. / 63 Read more »

Metaverse Emerges as Promising Yet Uncertain New World for InvestorsInvestors are plugging into the metaverse, looking to tap into what they see as a new realm for making money Dorsey knocks to Zuckerberg door Could this be behind the change in Facebook name?
Source: WSJ - 🏆 98. / 63 Read more »