GLAND, SWITZERLAND—Confirming it had severed all ties to the disgraced 30-ton marine mammal, the World Wildlife Fund issued a formal apology Friday in which it acknowledged having worked with an adult whale known for sexually abusing juvenile members of its species.
“Though we cannot change the past, we would like to say how sorry we are to all the calves victimized by the heinous actions of a humpback whale that for years appeared regularly in our promotional materials,” WWF president Pavan Sukhdev said in reference to the mature male cetacean that reportedly groomed struggling underage whales for sex with its loud, hours-long vocalizations and generous offers of krill.
Whale-known
Was always a nar-do-wahl.
TransAtlanticWhale
awhalefact
What a weird story, its like you’re normalizing pedophilia .
You guys used to be funny.
Is that a. . . sperm whale?
Whale-pedophilia is no joking matter, thank you.
Damn Onion stop stealing my brain thoughts
I see nothing remotely humorous in the concept of a 'pedophile whale'.
Podophile, surely?
awhalefact dude.
At least the whale lost a bunch of weight eating at subway
You just can't tell, eh.
Moby Dick?
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