Working Through the Layers of My Grief at My Local Asian Spa

A Yelp search for the “best massage in Park Slope” led me to a neon yellow sign of a smiling foot. The door chimed as I entered a room with four beds divided by makeshift bamboo walls. Shelves of grinning gold cats waved their hands in sync while I waited. I had come for a one-off, inexpensive massage. But I knew within 10 minutes I would want another, despite feeling embarrassed that, as a half-Asian woman, I couldn’t communicate with my Chinese-speaking masseuse Lulu beyond gestures.

Rather than spend my Saturday night at some loud bar skirting around my mom’s death with someone I swiped right on, I chose the sheltered booths of my local massage clinic. With Lulu, I never needed to explain myself—all I had to do was breathe. The synchronicity between each knead into my flesh and exhale of my breath became our own language; a form of physical exchange that never led to rejection or abandonment. It was the one place where I felt safe and supported.

“What does it feel like to lose sensation in the hand you used the most?” I would nag my mom as a teenager. It was her left hand that was paralyzed—the one that had supported the melody on the piano and written spontaneous observations of single motherhood on napkins. When Lulu pressed into my dominant right palm, I pictured all the nerves under my skin sparking and connecting, where my mom’s cells were a sea of darkness, lost within the swollen flesh of her curled, limp hand.

But like any good relationship, mine with Lulu had to end—an expired visa saw me heading home to Canada. Following my last appointment with Lulu, I tried to explain I was leaving. I wanted to tell her she made me feel safe and loved when my grief had prevented me from dating like most young adults my age. I needed her to know she gave me the mother’s touch I longed for since the age of eight, the last time my mom had given me a two-armed hug.

annarhaines

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Cynthia Choi Believes Anti-Asian Violence Should Concern EveryoneThe Stop AAPI Hate co-founder sits down with ELLE for Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month.
Source: ELLE Magazine (US) - 🏆 472. / 51 Read more »

Poet Karina Hsieh Aims To Stop Asian Hate By Generating LovePoet Karina Hsieh found her purpose, spreading a message of love, on an 18-month solo backpacking trip around the world. In response to recent attacks on Asian Americans, she launched Generate Love, a t-shirt campaign donating all proceeds to bystander intervention training. Great 😃 smile!
Source: ForbesWomen - 🏆 477. / 51 Read more »

10 Asian and AAPI Artists to Add to Your Summer Playlist ASAPFrom dystopian beats to pop-y bops, here are 10 AAPI artists you should know. Gentle Bones is above all. I agree with you.
Source: ELLE Magazine (US) - 🏆 472. / 51 Read more »

Simu Liu on His Journey from Scared Asian Guy to Marvel SuperheroThe star of 'Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings' talks to his co-star Ronny Chieng about overcoming the stereotypes and insecurities that nearly sunk his career.
Source: InterviewMag - 🏆 484. / 51 Read more »

Online Dating As an Asian Woman Got Even Worse After AtlantaAfter six people of Asian descent were gunned down, I was looking for comfort—and empathy—anywhere I could find it. asians are racist as hell towards blacks but no this is no justification for the attacks but they too pick on innocent pple
Source: ELLE Magazine (US) - 🏆 472. / 51 Read more »

Viral images show people of color as anti-Asian perpetrators. That misses the big picture.A new analysis reveals misconceptions about perpetrators, victims, and the general environment around anti-Asian hate incidents. These can have 'long-term consequences for racial solidarity,' researcher Janelle Wong said. - NBCAsianAmerica NBCAsianAmerica So “don’t point out that it’s not just white folks attacking Asians because that wouldn’t serve us very well.” Got it. This type of stuff is why 2022 will go to the Republicans. NBCAsianAmerica As a latino my opinion is that blacks are more racists than whites. NBCAsianAmerica Discrimination against Asian Americans is so prevalent you can see it on the streets, schools, playgrounds, colleges, Harvard, federal jobs, law enforcement, sports. Everywhere Asian (including Indian) Americans get discriminated, even by the black community. Need to CHANGE now.
Source: NBCNews - 🏆 10. / 86 Read more »