Harold's problems have caused him to withdraw from Sally physically at exactly the time that Sally needs hismore than ever, and Sally's feelings about her body have made it harder to connect emotionally with Harold when he needs someone to talk to about his family.
We form relationships for many reasons, and perhaps the most important in the long run is mutual care. The fun times are great, and even better when we have someone special to share them with, but it's when we are suffering that we realize how much we truly need someone else to be there for us. Of course, this person can be a family member or a close friend, but for many of us, this will be the person with whom we have chosen to share our life and home, our romantic partners.
But this essential purpose of relationships is defeated if we withhold our needs from our partners, the people best equipped to help deal with them. Furthermore, in all likelihood our partners know that something's wrong and that we need them, but they feel powerless because we won't tell them what it is we need. We may think we're being kind, benevolent, and selfless—to be sure, this reluctance to share our suffering does come from a good place.
Sally and Harold need to be upfront with each other about their problems and what they need. Not only would both of them likely be relieved and gratified to be able to help, but the simple act of helping each other will make them feel better about themselves and possibly help with their own issues as well. Sally and Harold are in a relationship for many reasons, including to be there for each other through life's rough times.
In these cases, benevolent lies may be the most harmful type of all, because the benevolence itself is self-defeating, if not illusory. As noble as they may seem,
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