Why true friends learn to work through the difficult moments rather than pretending everything is perfect all the time
How to let go of perfectionism in friendship.
illusion of perfection” to our friendship.It was easy to maintain the illusion of perfection when we saw each other every now and then. Kana lives in Chicago, and I live in D.C. But then in 2018, we traveled to the Philippines together. Ten days on trains, jet-lagged, in the heat, and eventually we spatted.
We had always had an amazing friendship and the disagreement made me wonder if the friendship was as amazing as I thought. One crack in an otherwise perfect friendship and I struggled to not plummet the significance of the entire friendship. I was approaching our friendship with
, assuming that when one thing is wrong, the friendship is wrong.I had to learn to bring nuance to our friendship, to let go of the illusion of perfection.The ability to face and work throughconflictwith Kana has made us closer than ever—much closer than when we pretended conflict could never exist between us. In friendship, I realized, you can love someone, feel close to them, and they can make you feel so seen. But there’ll also be times of mismatch, where you’re pebbles grinding one another’s gears. At these times, it’s important to remember that perfectionism is incompatible with headtopics.com
.True intimacy comes from surviving and working through difficult moments rather than pretending they’ll never happen.Virginia Goldner distinguishes between two types of safety in relationships, “the Read more: Psychology Today »
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