One of the greatest challenges facing the unloved daughter, having grown up without a healthy model of what sustaining relationships look like, is making her intimate adult relationships work. At the same time, many of these daughters are starved for love and validation, which can be a recipe for disaster, especially during the early years of adulthood and sometimes decades longer.
-preoccupied is the most dramatic; while this daughter needs an intimate relationship to feel validated, she needs so much reassurance and is so quick to react to anything that seems even vaguely threatening that being with her can be emotionally exhausting. It is the style that researchers note is most likely to be a self-fulfilling prophesy; being this afraid of being abandoned can end up with a partner doing exactly that to escape the drama.
The other two types of insecure attachment—dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant—make the road to romance and intimacy bumpy in different ways. Those with a dismissive style really don’t want dyadic intimacy; they need to stay independent and in control. The fearful-avoidant actually does want intimacy but she is deeply insecure and terrifically afraid of emotional pain so she always has her running shoes at the ready.
Once we begin to understand in fullness what we learned about love in childhood and how it’s affected us, we begin to gain a certain amount of control over how we connect to others in intimate relationships. We can see that how we chose the partners we did, how we acted and reacted as we did, and what we thought we wanted at the time were part of a bigger picture and context.
It's a proven fact that nobody 'needs' to be in a relationship. People are conditioned to follow the herd at an early age and to do what is 'expected' from a largely conformist society...
Encroachment...I suppose you're ignoring what's happening around the feet whilst this is going on...whilst intimate in distraction...them sneaky frogs with teeth are gonna get a meal! Sneaky lil bastards...!
Takes time. I got there 😎😉 I stopped attracting selfish lying users for instant gratification and found a gentleman from an amazing background who loves me inside out & back to front ❤️ It’s such an easy relationship. No drama. Lots of fun. An inspiration to me.
I had to figure it out for myself. We are doing something different than the mainstream -- swinging, something my ultra-religious parents would never approve of. We have our reasons, but mostly it just works for us. We all could stand to be more open.
Read/listen to Rumi’s entire catalogue. Listen/read daily. He is the best role model on how to understand what happened, how to heal, what to do with the rest of your life. Not oversimplifying here, just talkin’ truth. Rumi’s help for the wounded, however they got there. Fact.
We have ‘resources’ in least likely places. I read once that if you failed to have good role models in life to find them through others. Coaches, priests, authors, etc. even film actors. Latch onto them, their words, films, because everyone can break the cycle. Happens a lot.
Let’s be completely transparent here. The vast majority of relationships- regardless of the background of men and women involved in one- fail. Humans are NOT, in general, naturally inclined for lasting relationships. Relationships can last long if both parts are...
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