Why I Lived

Last week was a bittersweet sort of anniversary for me: Friday, June 22 marked a full year since my suicide attempt. Coming so swiftly after the highly publicized suicides of Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade and Scott Hutchison of Frightened Rabbit, it felt especially tender.

I know these questions intimately, because I had to field them for months after my attempt. In my experience, why isn’t necessarily a very useful question; it has both too many answers , and one single answer: pure hopelessness. In my case, I became convinced that I didn’t have a future anymore; when I tried to imagine what I would be doing the next week, or the next month, or the next year, all I could picture was a horrible blankness.

For the first time in ages, I felt a sense of purpose. I got up and brushed my teeth. I put on a nice dress. I wrote a note. I downed a bottle of sleeping pills with a chaser of whiskey. I crawled into bed, sobbing over what a failure my life had been.There, the staff there asked me over and over again why I’d wanted to die, and while I understood the importance of the question, it felt strange that not a single person was interested in knowing why I’d decided to live.

anne_theriault This was a really powerful read from anne_theriault - it's a positive message wrapped around a painful topic.

anne_theriault This is quite possibly the most important piece I read in my whole adult life and I think of it so often.

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