‘Why Do Other People’s Interests Make Me So Insecure?’

  • 📰 NYMag
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 108 sec. here
  • 3 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 46%
  • Publisher: 63%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

AskPolly: 'Why am I so fascinated by other people but I can’t help taking all the interesting things I observe about them and using those things to make myself feel bad?' hhavrilesky responds

Why am I so fascinated by other people but I can’t help taking all the interesting things I observe about them and using those things to make myself feel bad? Or, at the very least, to tell a story about how their aesthetic choices or that interesting way they carry themselves or their hobbies indicate that I am not that thing? Why are other people somehow transfigured into data about me?

It’s possible that, as a kid, what your mother wanted for you took primacy over what you wanted. Maybe your mom never asked you what you wanted; it was just assumed that your priorities matched. Or maybe when you were asked questions like, “What do you enjoy?” and “What do you think you want to do with your life?,” there was a looming feeling that you could give wrong answers. When you did offer up the wrong thing, you were greeted with silence. When you were on the right track, enthusiasm grew.

And how do you know this explanation is worthwhile and real and not just analytic riffing? First of all, because you’re a little obsessed, which is an intellectual side effect of your strong feelings. But that’s not all. You’re unnerved by how other people are living. It sinks in and you can’t let it go. Something that starts out on the surface of your thoughts slowly sinks into the groundwater of your emotions and poisons your mood.

In other words? Nothing felt real. Everything was just analytic riffing. Under those conditions, you can’t feel your way forward or give yourself the time you need to explore what you enjoy. And you can’t pursue interests simply because some part of you wants to, for no good reason whatsoever. You always have to justify the value of the time you spend on anything.

That’s not the lesson people want you to learn from social media. You’re supposed to know that it’s all a big shallow farce, and the right things to want are much quieter and more humble and more deeply grounded and morally correct. But that’s culture’s way of conflating how social media’s addictive traits erode our sense of self with the actual things we might see and desire on social media. We can resolve not to scroll Twitter or Instagram until we feel exhausted and hate ourselves.

Listen to these feelings of fascination and dissatisfaction and insecurity, because they’ll lead you to what you love deeply, if you let them. If you open yourself up, they might lead you to grant yourself more space and time for whatever you enjoy, even when it seems a little frivolous or unproductive or silly.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

hhavrilesky Could you investigate Stanley black and Decker on underworld criminals, could you investigate Tyco on underworld criminals and corruption, could you check my profile for evidence, May I have your attention on very serious underworld criminals in China

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 111. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Election 2020: Why voting in the coronavirus pandemic will be unlike any other yearwell Coronavirus has made this election a legitimate one
Source: ABC - 🏆 471. / 51 Read more »

Dawn French talks family dynamics and reveals why Cornwall is so specialDawn French talks family dynamics and reveals why Cornwall is so special
Source: hellomag - 🏆 24. / 68 Read more »

Why Autumn Running Is Actually the Best, as Told By GifsThe first cool morning you step out your door is quite literally a breath of fresh air. 😍🍂 So true! It's the best weather for running
Source: runnersworld - 🏆 19. / 71 Read more »

Slideshow: Why Does Your Urine Look Like That?Let’s face it: Most of us don't give much thought to our pee before we flush it out of sight. But the basic details of your urine -- including the color of it -- can give you a hint about what’s going on inside your body: You forgot pink / crimson when you eat beets! Under 'Red or Pink' it talks about green. Actually its a direct copy and paste of what is written under green!!!! Please correct it. A fellow Pharmacist that likes to read.
Source: WebMD - 🏆 709. / 51 Read more »

Why Not Commemorate the Hellscape That Is 2020 With a Pandemic-Themed Christmas Ornament?These pandemic-themed Christmas ornaments for families come complete with face masks, hand sanitizer, and toilet paper and give a nod to COVID-19 in 2020.
Source: POPSUGARMoms - 🏆 117. / 63 Read more »