Vol 56 Issue 21, Coronavirus

Vol 56 Issue 21, Coronavirus

WHO Warns Covid-19 Could Mean End To Blowing Water Through Pool Noodle Into Friends’ Faces

WHO Warns Covid-19 Could Mean End To Blowing Water Through Pool Noodle Into Friends’ Faces

5/28/2020 8:53:00 PM

WHO Warns Covid-19 Could Mean End To Blowing Water Through Pool Noodle Into Friends’ Faces

GENEVA—In an effort to prepare people for the “new normal” of life under the continuing threat of Covid-19, the World Health Organization issued a warning Thursday indicating the contagion could make blowing water through a pool noodle into your friends’ faces a relic of the past. “The use of a long foam tube to squirt liquid into the eyes, ears, or mouths of an unsuspecting fellow swimmer is, unfortunately, an efficient vehicle for spreading disease, and so we must accept that the novel coronavirus could mark the end of this cherished summertime ritual,” a statement from the agency read in part, clarifying that even if participants were fitted with personal protective equipment and prescreened with infrared thermometers, it was unlikely that blasting your sister’s suntanning friends with pool water would ever again be a safe activity. “While the playful gesture is deeply engrained in our social experience on a global scale, it is difficult to imagine that we will ever again inhabit a world in which we hear a buddy laughingly say, ‘What the fuck, dude?’ while water splashes across his face, or in which we reply ‘Dude, we’re just having a good time, why do you have to be a dick?’ As such, it is essential we begin readying ourselves for a future in which pool noodles are used solely as flotation devices.” The statement went on to indicate WHO was still working on guidelines to determine whether squishing your palms together on the surface of the pool to make a small stream shoot out would suffer a similar fate.

Read more: The Onion »

Freelanceroffu1 Never! Outrageous So, pissing in their faces is still a go right? i regret to inform you guys about something i never had a pool noodle that was hollow it was always filled That's it, give me a syringe and some cough medicine, I'm sorting this shit out Who said this? Andrewwhitt96 This will not stop me.

Is that Jay Cutler? paciorettys you’re safe for now theradiohag ellademers23 Wrong ! It will become the new sport ,overtaking hot yoga and Pilates due to it unique respiratory training effects . And it doesn’t look at all stupid ( like the other two ) NewNormal Nice touch that he looks like Elon Musk.

NOOOOO Never! Don't tread on my noodles! jacobpinter every time I see this I double take thinking it's you (cc LauraRom95) Is that Elon musk joecolley40 Joepcro Whats next!? Is the 5 second rule going to be changed to 3 seconds?!? Gah! NOOOOOOO still gonna do it Well, what's the point of living now... shawnyeezy

kids these days will never know the joy of finding that one abandoned pool noodle with a bite taken out of it at the public pool and using it to do this Alright covid has gone to far Noooooooooo!!!!!!!! Its officially gone too far MelissaUCoward dude 👎 Big if true. 😔 AbdoneyPony is that you? +1d6 poison damage

There goes my life... 😔 NOOOOOOOOOOO Nah, its just called the Corona Cannon now ABSURD!! What will these SOCIOPATHIC SOROS SPOUTERS and DICTATORIAL DEMOCRATIC DUNGBEETLES ban next?! What's even more hilarious is this basically true and accurate given how NON LETHAL this virus is. 99.7% survival rate. Just a bad flu season.

Why bother having summer How did they get Jay Cutler to pose for this photo? Nooooooooooo jeandamico sorry! 😂 cinnaminun 😐 kowkiller87 Just end 2020... 😂😷 North2North Lord no!!!!!! Lol This picture made my eyes sting So sad. Will forever be in my heart. Guys we need to take this more seriously Wouldn't chlorine kill the virus though? 🤔

RetroJaguartist I stopped doing this because one day I blew too hard and a cockroach came out of it and flew into the pool Could I get a second opinion from KISS? my cheeks hurt just looking at this picture BronsonLalo We give up this, we give up everything America stands for. When you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

Noooooooo! Nope, never gonna stop doing this! NO What about Purell? Life lost all meaning could damn it Oh no! What if you have a mask on? Need help coming up with some new material? liBerTy is eSseNtIaL. Jokes on them I can't get an erection JellyLegsJinxy No. They’re going too far. How dare they try and control us!!!

is this young elon musk wait? is this Elon musk blowing into a pool noodle? Jokes on them I don’t have friends Never. At least we can still slap then on the water to make loud noises But will Horton hear the WHO and stop doing that with his trunk? That Blows “: WHO Warns Covid-19 Could Mean End To Blowing Water Through Pool Noodle Into Friends’ Faces

Something tells me people getting splashed in the face by a noodle is never going to end Crazy that you got Taran Killam to pose for this Elon looks different this has gone too far There’s something ghastly about this image This is the real tragedy This is a good thing, no matter what! Oh nooooo Darn. I'm a pool noodle sniper veteran and served in countless tours of duty of summer's past. 'Hand-squeezy squirts' just won't be enough applied force. This virus must be eliminated for the good of bully-brothers everywhere.

That's too far. Like and retweet if you think this looks like Elon Musk Fuck the WHO and what they say stop it now This is stupid. my cheeks hurt just from reading this. I can't let my girlfriend see this. the fuck he swimming in over my rotting dead corpse it does Don’t tread on me! OkSteev This is the future that liberals want

RyryJones LOL who in the hell believes the WHO? They blow smoke up peoples ass. Is that Elon Musk lol I’m very sad, my sister looks right down the barrel every single time ha ha. Going to miss that Is that elon musk? Is life even worth it any more after this revelation? This could've been avoided if trump had acted sooner. 😷

ilopsevekim lmao Blowing a pool noodle seems a bit show-offie. WarpedLamp I didn't even know that was possible! No one: Corona virus: Kenny_Kansas too late ..... kingcutie this is important and relevant content for us if we ever get back on the road. KikkiPlanet But muh freedom 🇺🇸🇺🇸 I knew it. This is all a ploy by the deep state to take away our pool noodles. First it was the prohibition on running at the pool and now here we are. It is our right as Americans to blast our friends in the face with chlorinated water that may or may not have pee in it!

talesofderp Unacceptable tyranny Just add some bleach. Summer saved. SNeuenfeldt You can have my pool noodle when you pry it from my cold...dead fingers. But only outside of China A grim reality. What if I eat a chlorine tablet first? all the noodles iv seen were solid This will not stand. This aggression will not stand, man.

I WOKE UP IN A FREE COUNTRY Maybe we are going to survive all this but, at what cost? :( This really blows we are NOT getting back to normal what is this, Bush league? trombone style or GTFO amateur MrJayBenz Damn now we’re really screwed Is that actually a thing? This blows

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