Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images, HBO, Shutterstock Can you feel that? The shift in the air? Not the changing of seasons but the ushering in of a new era; we have skipped right over “short king” season and into a new chapter of a demented fairy tale, that of the “chaos goblin.” A chaos goblin, for the uninitiated, is a short man with undeniable charisma and an unpredictable energy.
I did not initially watch Succession because everyone else was watching it or because it seemed good or even because it was created by Jesse Armstrong, whose work I like. I watched it because I saw a picture of Culkin on the red carpet hugging co-star Nicholas Braun and barely coming to his chest. I had to know who this man was, had to get a handle on the demonic energy radiating from the screen. Roman, I am sorry to say, is my exact type.
This thirst for pocket-size chaos goblins has been simmering online for a while, but Culkin as “slime puppy” seems to have brought it into the cold light of day. The internet on the whole has played a big role. It’s the space where we go to explore and legitimize our thirst, logging on the day after a Succession episode drops to talk about every look exchanged between Gerri and Roman as if we were by some kind of horny watercooler.
The only tall celebrity I crush on is Tyler, the Creator, who despite being six-two, I would argue carries goblin energy. Like Driver, he oscillates between quiet introspection and loud outbursts. He carries a childish curiosity with a simmering temper, as seen in videos and on his TV show Nuts and Bolts, in which he endearingly investigates things he’s fascinated by.
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