What It's Like to Be Single With Breast Cancer

experience 5 years ago. I was single and had put dating on hold for a few years. Just when I felt somewhat ready to start dating again, my world was shattered with a cancer diagnosis. My focus then became doing everything possible to not die.

Once I was officially declared as “no evidence of disease” , I was initially filled with such hope. I was looking forward to dating again and having a little fun. Unfortunately, nothing has been simple, easy, or predictable post-cancer. All the treatments, multiple surgeries, blood transfusions, and complications post-treatment have affected my quality of life, which made dating more challenging than ever.

I remember going on a date a year post-cancer and the guy commented that I seemed to be walking stiffly. How could I tell him my body feels like a 500-year-old, and that it was taking everything I had to not show pain while we walked into the restaurant? I used to be a major talker, but now I’m often not able to find words thanks to residual chemo brain. Having a conversation is hard and awkward when talking with a man on the phone or in person. I don’t know how to talk about trivial things anymore. My thought process, when fully functioning, is heavy. I’m not as light or carefree as I used to be.

I felt like an imposter posting my picture on dating sites. My hair at the time was coming in as tight curls that resembled a chia pet, far different from the thick, soft, shoulder-length hair I had always been so proud of. I had a hard time taking a compliment from anyone during that time, especially men, because I immediately wanted to correct them and let them know I didn’t always look like this. I looked better. I looked thinner. Present day, I still feel like an imposter in this body.

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